LET THE BINGO BEGIN!

If you're too noobish or cowardly to come at me head-on, you can always hide in the spawn and play "Spawn-Camping Bingo" !

Turn up the voice chat volume, listen to what I have to say and just circle the items!  Get five in a row  to claim your prize, a personal visit from Spawn-Camping Heavy in-game.

I will allow horizontal, vertical and diagonal wins.

MOVES AND COUNTER-MOVES

If you find a class or a weapon that works against me, I'll tell you it doesn't take any skill.

If you team up on me, I'll talk down the value of teamwork.  I hate teamwork.

If you airblast me off of a cliff, I'll disconnect in mid-fall and re-join.  I have a key bind just for that purpose, so don't waste your time with it.  I don't find this tactic legitimate and so my counter is justifiable.

If you attack me from behind, I'll call it cowardly, or a gimmick, and in turn try and convince you to attack from head-on.  You'll be facing a wall of bullets from the Huo-Long Heater, and my medic will be safely behind me, but you'll at least have that satisfaction of playing your role of the doomed but courageous warrior correctly.  In turn, I will have more fun.   Your fun is not important; just keep attacking me head-on; I insist on it.

If your strategy isn't working and you change classes, I'll accuse you of rage switching.  I want you to go back to doing the thing that isn't working.  Don't rage switch - fuel my kill streak instead.  I haven't reached a 100-long kill streak quite yet, but you can still help.  In a future post, I will explain why Heavy is underpowered and needs new buffs and weapons.  A re-energized Heavy class combined with my skill should be able to reach multi-hundred consecutive kill-streaks, which seems much more equitable to me.

Don't be sneaky.  Don't use weapons and strategies that work on me (Sandman, Baby Face's Blaster, backstabs, arblasts, sticky traps, attacking when I am already damaged).  Come at me head-on.  To do otherwise will only put a damp, mildewy stain of shame on your play record.  You know this is true, do not deny it.

If you seek to learn from my winning strategy, please pay attention to this sample track I have prepared for you, you can try these time-tested messages on others.

Listen, and learn.

QUESTION EVERYTHING

If you've joined me in a game of Team Fortress 2, surely by now you have noticed that I ask a lot of questions of my opponents.

"Why are you using <X>?" - usually in reference to some weapon used against me.
"Why are there so many <Y>?" - usually about spies, snipers, & scouts.

Asking these questions on an ongoing, relentless basis advances some of my goals:

1. I can start to convince opponents that their choices in gameplay are not fair or fun.
2. I educate others that are listening, that if they make the same choices, they will also get a barrage of questions about those choices.
3. I can avoid server rule violations, because I am not technically harassing you by making negative statements, I am just asking questions.  Tee hee, I am so curious!

Listen, and learn.

If you ask me it's really quite clever.  I pick the combination of class, weapon and strategy that maximizes my score (and thus my fun).  At the same time, I steadily work to get my opponents to phase out their usage of strategies or weapons that work against me.  I don't want to change my class or play style, I want you to change yours.

At the end of the day what I want is to maximize my own fun.  If you make choices that cause my own fun to decrease, I'm going to ask you about them - over and over and over again.  It doesn't cost me anything, and if you - the lowly, doomed opponent - buy into what I'm telling you, you will start making better choices for me.

It doesn't matter to me if you were having more fun as a result of your choices, I am going to question them any time they start to affect me.  My fun matters more than yours.

Now, people may read me saying these things and think that I'm just a huge narcissist and that I only care about myself, but it's just a video game thing.  When I'm playing this game, it's my free time I'm spending.  I'm not worrying about your free time - I'm worrying about mine.  I only care about my fun when playing this game, I don't care about other people's fun.  I will selfishly do my own thing, so I can have fun my own way - and if what I'm doing makes you have less fun, I don't care.  At the same token, if you make choices that affect my fun, I am going to ask you a lot of questions about it and maybe you'll change your strategy against me.  And so I win, again and again and again.

Give it a try.  It takes patience and time but will pay great rewards.

BEHOLD.. AND LEARN

With almost 100 days of connect time, I am the #1 ranked player on the Prestige-Gaming Team Fortress 2 servers:

http://prestigegaming.gameme.com/playerinfo/161250

You can't argue with numbers like these:
   > 4.5 K/D ratio...
   record kill streak of 88 so far

But maybe you can learn from me.

Stand with me and learn, or challenge me and fuel my next kill streak.

P.S. I don't know how much longer I'll actually be playing Team Fortress 2, it's already been years, but until I finally do switch to Overwatch full time, you can often find me here:

http://prestigegaming.gameme.com/overview/3

tdm_hightower server URL 74.91.122.104:27015